Why is she blamed first?

You hear it before you even see it.
The hushed chatter. The shifting eyes. The judgement served like evening snacks.

It was a regular evening. Our neighbor walked past. A quiet woman. Keeps to herself.
A group of women are sitting next door, gathered in their usual circle. Voices low but loud enough. They are talking about her. Everyone knows she has been trying for years.

They do not know her medical reports. They do not know her fears or her hopes. But they do not need facts. They need targets.

“There she goes! A useless showpiece doll.”
A burst of laughter followed.  Cold, thoughtless, sharp enough to sting.

The words float in the air with the casual ease of breathing. As if labelling another woman is a routine chore. As if her entire existence can be reduced to the ability to carry a child.

This is where motherhood begins in our society.
Not with love. Not with birth. Not even with pregnancy.
It begins with judegment. It begins with blame. And the blame always has one direction: the woman!

One year into my marriage, and I am being asked, “Do you get your periods regularly?”
Not “Are you settling in well?”
Not “Is your mind at ease?”
Not “How is your heart doing?”
Not “Are you comfortable with how life is moving?”
Not “Is everything feeling safe and steady for you?”
Just a direct intrusion into her private body as if it is public property. As if her reproductive cycle is a community calendar. As if her worth hangs from an ovary.

All because the house did not echo with the words “good news”, suddenly, her entire system is questioned. Her health. Her fertility. Her identity. Her womanhood!

And the man?
He walks freely in and out of the same rooms, unbothered, unquestioned, untouched by scrutiny. Without a single glance thrown his way. His body is never interrogated. His fertility is never doubted. His role in conception is never even considered.

He is clean by default.
She is guilty by default!
That is how deeply the conditioning runs.

The assumption is not just biased. It is dangerous. It forces the entire weight of conception on one person, ignoring biology, ignoring science, ignoring logic itself.
Infertility or delays can come from either partner.
It can come from both. It can come from neither.
It can be unexplained. It can be temporary. It can be complex.

But society does not believe in complexity. It believes in shortcuts.
In blame that travels the path of least resistance. In centuries old habits of pointing fingers at the woman because she is easier to dissect, easier to doubt, easier to shame.

It is almost ritualistic.
The way families gather around her womb without ever acknowledging the man’s responsibility. The way relatives ask personal questions with the confidence of doctors who have never read a single medical page. The way society expects her to feel guilty, broken, incomplete.

This is not culture. This is negligence disguised as normal.

We need to ask the real question.
Not “Why is she not conceiving yet?”
But “Why are we so convinced that she is the only possible problem?”

Why is her body the first suspect?
Why is her cycle the first topic to be dissected?
Why does the man get an automatic pass?
Why do we still operate with outdated beliefs even when the truth is loud, clear, scientific, and easily accessible?

Because it is easier.
Because it is habitual.
Because nobody has challenged it enough.
Because for generations, women have been forced to carry the burden of blame quietly, hoping things will change on their own.

But my dear women, things do not change on their own.
People change them. Voices change them. Truth changes them.

If society is brave enough to gossip about a woman walking down the street,
it should be brave enough to confront its own prejudice.
If it can ask a woman about her periods,
it should also be able to ask a man about his health without hesitation.
If it can treat conception as a shared celebration,
it should also treat delay as a shared responsibility.

The saddest part? The loudest judgements often come from women themselves. The same women who were once judged now carry the rituals forward, as if it is their duty to wound the next one in line.

Motherhood should not begin with humiliation.
It should not begin with blame.
It should not begin with the assumption that a woman is at fault until proven otherwise.

This article is not about answers.
It is about the one question we have ignored for far too long.
Why is she blamed first?

And until we tear that conditioning apart,
nothing about this so called “culture” is worth protecting!